Torn between two musical worlds

I am now in Cleveland to rehearse the Schumann Cello Concerto which I am playing on Tuesday with the Cleveland State U. Orchestra led my good buddy Victor Liva. This is a busy week. It does not bother me that I flew in this morning (after driving 2 hours to BWI - cheaper flights) and returning to West Chester tomorrow morning, and flying out again on Monday and returning back home on Wednesday. The challenge is to somehow split my artistic soul between playing and conducting on Sunday Bruckner's 4th Symphony (along Mozart and Gomes). When I perform or conduct, I do best when I become the piece, when all the themes live in my brain and heart, and in the middle of the night I get woken by the rhythms of a certain piece, and I smell the sounds and feel the harmonies. So, what am I supposed to be now? Schumann's cello concerto and its singing voice, or Bruckner's large scale, brass brilliant, with its wide Alpine vistas of the symphony. For the first time today, I felt torn between the two. I need to be a faster chameleon, to change my color on the dime. Hard, I don't know.... And I definitely need to become Brucknerian before Sunday; I hope to memorize this great work, but it's an hour of music.